It's all about Cataleya hahaaaaa

Bukan masalah pun. Tapi sakit dan it is damn bitter to be swallowed. It's doesn't hurt but the heart feel so in pain. It's just that this sort of things make me feels like I don't want to be a mother. This is slightly hurting. I don't know where myself is now . . 

I don't blame anyone here. The situation makes us one. I wish I can run miles a way and never turn back. I wish I could skip the time and just in one loud snap of fingers , it turns to be in a good one. I heydit when it touch our bond. I promise myself to be good. I don't want to feel offended anymore. I wonder if they love me that well or it's just words that they said . . Words can be sucks sometimes. It's just an act. Tell me yang all those is just an act! I hate the feeling M feeling now. I heydit!!! Sucks. Why . . Why . . Why. Can I be like Cataleya in Colombiana ? I want to be like her. I'm mad because I'm lonely now. I feel lonely.  I want to be SWAT too. I want alive bond. Just like others. Everyone is just minding their own business here. I heyd this. While we are in a dull moment . . Someone is very happy outside. Without us. Why laike this ? Why don't we go thru the dull and bright together ? Is that how it goes ? Is that what ll be happening when we re all about to grow up ? Aren't we promise to be together forever ? Don't tell me you forgot everything we once promised. Camooon. We haven't started anything yet . . This makes me sad. 

Okay. Can I have Halo halo with extra extra extra yam ? I want to go out till dawn. I want to drive a junk car with no direction ahead. I want to drive a no where road. I want to puff gazillion of cigars. And I want to sing the lungs out on the very top of the junk car. I want to go under hours of operation and get a beautiful teeth. And I want to feel all the numbness and pain just to feel the bittersweet in life. Okay now I want to be like Cataleya again. I want to kill the one who created all this. But , I don't know who creates this mess. I want to play golf and get very tanned. I want to play hula hop for days. And I want to break free. FREEDOM. When can I get that ? Okay now , eat. Yes. Dog is having you. They re enjoying your body. Your head. Everything. I love you Cataleya. He and everyone love Cataleya. '  I hurt myself today . . . . The needle tears the bone . . . . . And I will remember everything . . . . ' 

I'm okay now. All okay. I blog to heal myself. This makes me be whoever that I feel I want to . . I am free. Feel and be felt. I never get the chance to stop enjoying these kind of moments. I don't want to wonder why I never did before. 

I'm thankful for today. The good and bad one. I'm thankful for what I feel today. Dull-mellow-dim-wonder-sad-weep-think-okay-end-blessed. I'm thankful for today and it ll teach me something. 

Syiqin Hyte @ Syiqin Afandi @ Syiqin Hyza @ Siddra Seandra Fnd @ Cataleya Thea , NFA19.