For real.

Assalamualaikum everyone. Syiqin not okay. Last survival paper. Ya Allah. Thank you for the tests. I think that makes me beyond strong. M stronger , getting strong. I admit , I can still feel the heaviness around the heart. A pre-test from You mean so dearly to me. I love You more every now and then. Ya Allah. I don't mind , M all okay bila they keep on coming as long as that could makes me always be on Your track. All the gales , they help me alot. I know I always get too way far adrift from where I should and they re my alive reminder and door banger. Ya Allah. What I went thru last night was something so tiny spot come for a tease. I was down. Really down. Ya Allah . . Heart is weeping . . But I need this space to let half things out. I choose to not to talk to anyone anymore. I have no friend to share with now. I say. I made the decision to stop sharing and M jerk because of that . . 

Everyday , I recall upon what I have been thru. I deadly wish to vanish the memory of my past. The bitter one. I'm not sure if its a good or bad things. There's hand says its a good one but burdening the mind and heart. I don't know what else to think of. I have In Shaa Allah a long way to go in this earth. Way of aiming to be a better person. I always try to be a better daughter. But sadly saying whenever things get Dad involve in , split sec it ll dash. Ya Allah . . Give me strength to face this sensitive heart. M a big girl now . . I shouldn't be that sensitive. Once I asked the wind , when and what could make this end. The wind's simply passed by . . Ya Allah . . Another rainbow is waving yet it is still too way far . . The heart hurts. 

I will have a pleasant future. I will be a good daughter. I will be a good terrorist. I will come up to be a transformer to run down any barriers. I will be a good thinker and adviser to my soul. I will be a good Auntie for all of my Sayangs. I will be the person I want to be. One fine day. 

One forever wish. To be love by my Angel. I want to be love by my mother. No matter how I been treated. I will always be a daughter who love my mother unconditionally. I m not a favourite one. But Alhamdulillah I have what I have now. I don't want to be parentless. The love I have for my mother is like a breather in this world. It is hard to explain . . I love you Bu. Sumpah. Sampai di hujung pernafasan. Cinta sampai syurga. 

Syiqin is not a good daughter. That's why I always try to be one. Ya Allah. Get me out from all the things that haunts. 

This makes me stronger. I ll be strong. More stronger. I ll stand still on this sharp pieces of glass. I ll be out from all these confusions. In Shaa Allah. 

The heart is still snagging and at sixes and sevens than the cut I got yesterday. It was a damn deep cut. A small deep hole on the point finger. Air Zam Zam heals it. Alhamdulillah . . It's still numb and cold but I know it ll recover soon. Ya Allah. Thank you. I love You. 

I won't read what I wrote above. People , I just need a space to let em out . . No point. No solution. No destined. No specific attention to. No ending. Hmmmmmmmm. M taking a long inhale and exhale. Pray for my appeasement. My serenity. My placidness. My composure.  

Ya Allah. M living in the angel love vibes. Love is in the blood. In the veins. In the heart. Ya Allah. You know way too far better how I love my mother. I love you Bu. Hayetie H.A.H <3 

Allah bless. Allah guide. Allah protection and love thru out the life. Aamiin. Aamiin. Aamiin. Allahuma Aamiin. 

 Ya Allah . . You are As-Salam , the source of peace. From You is all peace and tranquility. Ya Allah , You are the remover of pain. The giver of peace. The healer of wounds. Ya Allah , give patience and courage to those that are mocked and suffer as they struggle to remain on Your path. Ya Allah , guide us who is far away from guidance . . Heal the hearts that are hurting and take away the pain Oh Creator of Mankind. Make every hardship a meaning of returning back to You. Again . . Give us peace in our hearts so that we could face every storm with an Alhamdulillah. 

Allahuma Aamiin. Aamiin Ya Allah. Aamiin Ya Rahman. Aamiin Ya Rahim. Aamiin. Aamiin. Aamiin. Allahumma Aamiin. 

Ya Allah , forgive my parents and our , the children sins. Aamiin Aamiin Ya Ghaffar. Lend us extra strength , Ya Allah . . Aamiin Aamiin Ya Wahhab. As You re the giver. You re the most merciful , You ll always be the One we ll ask seek help from =.=' Ya Allah . . Aamiin Ya Allah . . Aamiin Ya Quddus. Aamiin Aamiin Allahumma Aamiin.