It's all about Cataleya hahaaaaa

Bukan masalah pun. Tapi sakit dan it is damn bitter to be swallowed. It's doesn't hurt but the heart feel so in pain. It's just that this sort of things make me feels like I don't want to be a mother. This is slightly hurting. I don't know where myself is now . . 

I don't blame anyone here. The situation makes us one. I wish I can run miles a way and never turn back. I wish I could skip the time and just in one loud snap of fingers , it turns to be in a good one. I heydit when it touch our bond. I promise myself to be good. I don't want to feel offended anymore. I wonder if they love me that well or it's just words that they said . . Words can be sucks sometimes. It's just an act. Tell me yang all those is just an act! I hate the feeling M feeling now. I heydit!!! Sucks. Why . . Why . . Why. Can I be like Cataleya in Colombiana ? I want to be like her. I'm mad because I'm lonely now. I feel lonely.  I want to be SWAT too. I want alive bond. Just like others. Everyone is just minding their own business here. I heyd this. While we are in a dull moment . . Someone is very happy outside. Without us. Why laike this ? Why don't we go thru the dull and bright together ? Is that how it goes ? Is that what ll be happening when we re all about to grow up ? Aren't we promise to be together forever ? Don't tell me you forgot everything we once promised. Camooon. We haven't started anything yet . . This makes me sad. 

Okay. Can I have Halo halo with extra extra extra yam ? I want to go out till dawn. I want to drive a junk car with no direction ahead. I want to drive a no where road. I want to puff gazillion of cigars. And I want to sing the lungs out on the very top of the junk car. I want to go under hours of operation and get a beautiful teeth. And I want to feel all the numbness and pain just to feel the bittersweet in life. Okay now I want to be like Cataleya again. I want to kill the one who created all this. But , I don't know who creates this mess. I want to play golf and get very tanned. I want to play hula hop for days. And I want to break free. FREEDOM. When can I get that ? Okay now , eat. Yes. Dog is having you. They re enjoying your body. Your head. Everything. I love you Cataleya. He and everyone love Cataleya. '  I hurt myself today . . . . The needle tears the bone . . . . . And I will remember everything . . . . ' 

I'm okay now. All okay. I blog to heal myself. This makes me be whoever that I feel I want to . . I am free. Feel and be felt. I never get the chance to stop enjoying these kind of moments. I don't want to wonder why I never did before. 

I'm thankful for today. The good and bad one. I'm thankful for what I feel today. Dull-mellow-dim-wonder-sad-weep-think-okay-end-blessed. I'm thankful for today and it ll teach me something. 

Syiqin Hyte @ Syiqin Afandi @ Syiqin Hyza @ Siddra Seandra Fnd @ Cataleya Thea , NFA19. 

Benar.

Semakin lari dari semua nya semakin close it smells . . O Allah , M about to be there . . Here it's back to rocky one . . M sad. Why again . . ? Am I still bad ? M sorry . . I tot M all okay . . 

Nonetheless I still have the sense of smelling something good . . I think all ll be well. Allah wills then I ll be okay. One drop , but yes all praises to Allah. Rocky road . . But I have Jeep to go thru with . . Shaky bridge but I have full oxygen to stabilize my breathe. Swing mind is also okay because I have the Creator love to stay still and always strong. I ll always talk to the Creator because Allah is the only who understand me and listen and help me all long. M blessed . . Alhamdulillah . . I can In Shaa Allah make it thru the rain eventho there ll probably ve storm in between , and the thunder maybe but I have faith. Faith to the Creator. Nothing to be worried. I say. I ll In Shaa Allah share the feelings soon. Lets see if M okay to jua okay. Things are still on its confusion view. Blurred vision. Hmmmm. Wallah Wa'lam.

O Allah. Help me to look after my love ones. I'm paralyze when it comes to missing them. Don't let this tears burst just for the bull-shit I ve created. Let it run on this cheek only for You. M out no where if laike this . . I can see no where . . How M going to turn things better . . ? Missing them. Sad. Weep. Repeat. Dream. Sad. Pleasant. Dream. Dream. Dream. M out. I ll be back . . 

Till there. Missing the love ones is the heartache that never go away. 

Buggering . . M actually growing up.

19 , Syiqin Hyte. 

Break lepas tahlil

Assalamualaikum . . Nada istimewa . . Baru selepas tahlil . . Daddi Hong side . . Okay lah , close one saja . . Alhamdulillah . . Sampai. Kesampaian jua. Alhamdulillah. Bah up to what I read lah . . Good book. Good guidance . . 

Di ilhamkan oleh buku Siri penyejuk hati : La Tahzan , setelah kesulitan pasti ada kemudahan. 

Bersabarlah.

Anusyirwan once said :

 " Semua ujian di dunia dapat dikategorikan into two.  PERTAMA  , yang dapat di cari jalan keluarnya. Ubatnya adalah goncangan jiwa. KEDUA , yang tidak dapat di cari jalan keluar. Yang ini sembuh justeru dengan menyambutnya "

Ada kehebatan bagi kalangan bijak bestari bila tercipta satu phrase " Untok menyelesaikan suatu masalah yang tidak ada jalan keluarnya adalah dengan bersabar " 

Yang selalu bersabar , pasti akan beroleh kemenangan. Indah.

Dari pihak Arab said " Sesungguhnya dalam keburukan ada kebaikan " - Pasti.

Masalah atau musibah harus di sedari , di luar sana tanpa kesedaran kitani masih ada musibah lain yang jauh jauh lebih besar . . Jauh lebih berat sehingga kan satu saat kitani will merasa that apa yang we go thru atu masih jauh lebih ringan. Sedar sekeliling. 

. . . Orang yang menderita dalam hidopnya kerana penyakit yang ada , boleh sembuh oleh penyakit tadi sendiri . . Boleh jadi kebaikan datang dari keburukan dan inda terkejut bila something we need comes from hal yang  memberhayakan. 

Allah akan mendatangkan kegembiraan tatkala semua harapan telah putus. 

..... Sesungguhnya hanya orang orang yang bersabarlah yang di cukupkan pahala mereka tanpa batas...... ( Az-Zumar: 10 ) 

..... Sesungguhnya Allah bersama orang orang yang sabar. ( Al-Anfal: 46 )

[ Barangkali teguran yang ditujukan kepadamu terpuji kesudahnya , kerana boleh jadi tubuh menjadi sihat setelah ditimpa penyakit ]

Ahli ibadah , Ishaq mengatakan : 

" Mungkin Allah menguji hambaNya dengan suatu musibah justeru untok menyelamatkan dari kebinasaan. Sehingga musibah itu menjadi nikmat terbesar baginya " 

Ya Allah , berilah kami kebaikan di dunia dan kebaikan di akhirat dan perliharalah kami dari seksa neraka. Kami memohon kepadaMu ampunan , afiat dan kebaikan yang berkekalan di dunia dan akhirat. Kami memohon semua kebaikan yang pernah diminta oleh NabiMu dan Junjungan kami , Muhammad dan kami berlindung dari semua kejahatan yang pernah di minta oleh NabiMu , Muhammad. Aamiin. Aamiin. Aamiin. Aamiin Ya Allah. Aamiin Aamiin Aamiin Ya Wahhab. Aamiin Aamiin Ya Rahman. Aamiin Aamiin Aamiin Ya Rahim . . 

Bismillahirahmanirrahim . . Alhamdulillahirabilalamin. 

Alhamdulillahirabilalamin

Alhamdulillahirabilalamin

Alhamdulillahirabilalamin

Alhamdulillahirabilalamin

Alhamdulillahirabilalamin

Alhamdulillahirabilalamin . . 

Allah bersama sepanjang hidop . . Allah elok kan segala yang inda baik . . Allah cerdaskan dan Allah dekat dengan hamba hamba Nya. Aamiin. Aamiin. Aamiin. 

Thats all for now . . Thank you for reading . . Kiss. Assalamualaikum. Loads of love , Syiqin Hyte 19.  Till we meet again . . In Shaa Allah. BarakkAllahu fik. 

For real.

Assalamualaikum everyone. Syiqin not okay. Last survival paper. Ya Allah. Thank you for the tests. I think that makes me beyond strong. M stronger , getting strong. I admit , I can still feel the heaviness around the heart. A pre-test from You mean so dearly to me. I love You more every now and then. Ya Allah. I don't mind , M all okay bila they keep on coming as long as that could makes me always be on Your track. All the gales , they help me alot. I know I always get too way far adrift from where I should and they re my alive reminder and door banger. Ya Allah. What I went thru last night was something so tiny spot come for a tease. I was down. Really down. Ya Allah . . Heart is weeping . . But I need this space to let half things out. I choose to not to talk to anyone anymore. I have no friend to share with now. I say. I made the decision to stop sharing and M jerk because of that . . 

Everyday , I recall upon what I have been thru. I deadly wish to vanish the memory of my past. The bitter one. I'm not sure if its a good or bad things. There's hand says its a good one but burdening the mind and heart. I don't know what else to think of. I have In Shaa Allah a long way to go in this earth. Way of aiming to be a better person. I always try to be a better daughter. But sadly saying whenever things get Dad involve in , split sec it ll dash. Ya Allah . . Give me strength to face this sensitive heart. M a big girl now . . I shouldn't be that sensitive. Once I asked the wind , when and what could make this end. The wind's simply passed by . . Ya Allah . . Another rainbow is waving yet it is still too way far . . The heart hurts. 

I will have a pleasant future. I will be a good daughter. I will be a good terrorist. I will come up to be a transformer to run down any barriers. I will be a good thinker and adviser to my soul. I will be a good Auntie for all of my Sayangs. I will be the person I want to be. One fine day. 

One forever wish. To be love by my Angel. I want to be love by my mother. No matter how I been treated. I will always be a daughter who love my mother unconditionally. I m not a favourite one. But Alhamdulillah I have what I have now. I don't want to be parentless. The love I have for my mother is like a breather in this world. It is hard to explain . . I love you Bu. Sumpah. Sampai di hujung pernafasan. Cinta sampai syurga. 

Syiqin is not a good daughter. That's why I always try to be one. Ya Allah. Get me out from all the things that haunts. 

This makes me stronger. I ll be strong. More stronger. I ll stand still on this sharp pieces of glass. I ll be out from all these confusions. In Shaa Allah. 

The heart is still snagging and at sixes and sevens than the cut I got yesterday. It was a damn deep cut. A small deep hole on the point finger. Air Zam Zam heals it. Alhamdulillah . . It's still numb and cold but I know it ll recover soon. Ya Allah. Thank you. I love You. 

I won't read what I wrote above. People , I just need a space to let em out . . No point. No solution. No destined. No specific attention to. No ending. Hmmmmmmmm. M taking a long inhale and exhale. Pray for my appeasement. My serenity. My placidness. My composure.  

Ya Allah. M living in the angel love vibes. Love is in the blood. In the veins. In the heart. Ya Allah. You know way too far better how I love my mother. I love you Bu. Hayetie H.A.H <3 

Allah bless. Allah guide. Allah protection and love thru out the life. Aamiin. Aamiin. Aamiin. Allahuma Aamiin. 

 Ya Allah . . You are As-Salam , the source of peace. From You is all peace and tranquility. Ya Allah , You are the remover of pain. The giver of peace. The healer of wounds. Ya Allah , give patience and courage to those that are mocked and suffer as they struggle to remain on Your path. Ya Allah , guide us who is far away from guidance . . Heal the hearts that are hurting and take away the pain Oh Creator of Mankind. Make every hardship a meaning of returning back to You. Again . . Give us peace in our hearts so that we could face every storm with an Alhamdulillah. 

Allahuma Aamiin. Aamiin Ya Allah. Aamiin Ya Rahman. Aamiin Ya Rahim. Aamiin. Aamiin. Aamiin. Allahumma Aamiin. 

Ya Allah , forgive my parents and our , the children sins. Aamiin Aamiin Ya Ghaffar. Lend us extra strength , Ya Allah . . Aamiin Aamiin Ya Wahhab. As You re the giver. You re the most merciful , You ll always be the One we ll ask seek help from =.=' Ya Allah . . Aamiin Ya Allah . . Aamiin Ya Quddus. Aamiin Aamiin Allahumma Aamiin. 

Okay saja

Assalamualaikum . . Shake hands and cium tangan. For muhrim only lah and older ha ha haa no hal no hal . . 

Yang lepas lepas okay ? Okay dok ? Syiqin tengah tanya ani . . Sik tauk kan mana kan jawab ha ha haa lame lah Si Syiqin ani . . Apa lah . . 

This post nada tujuan specific lah cuma ani seorang example untok break dari kerja , bukan lah ada akal inda baik ani break sekejap saja dan nada kit kat pun . . Ada rasa rasa terbuang masa untok liat this one Malay drama ending ala cilabai . . Apa masalah director . . ? Karya taik nama nya atu. 

Nah sudah , vroooom. Haihhh nada faedah kan jadi bahan. Tidak bolih marah tidak bolih marah . . Syiqin sekarang cuba untok jadi flexible dan heartless . . In a good way lah . . Kan kan , che' malaih sebenaq nya kan explain sebab confirm lah ada thinker yang slalu come out with silly questions . . Lenguh kan menjawap . . Haipppppppp. Kawasan Syiqin ani , no trespassing . . Ha haa . . Jangan ke dalam terlalu , atau jangan terlalu ke dalam . . Minor sahaja pun best. Ada banyak benda benda sik best kalau beyond box ani . . Cari tempat yang sesuai noo . . Syiqin seems nada extra masa untok ambil pot taik taik yang datang dari sekeliling yang cuma untok meruntuhkan sanubari punya mind . . Yang lepas sudah terlalu cukup , Syiqin mengakui okay . . Pinjam phrase orang sat noo I have more than enough nya bisdia . . 

Sekarang bolih liat jam . . Dan bolih jua recall . . How Syiqin sudah waste them dulu nya . . Mensiakan untok yang nada membagi keuntungan sendiri mahu pun pendapatan. Hahhh siap. Ramble. Bila ada magic untok kwerrrk kwerrrk kwerrrk kan hahh atu version Si Syiqin buat bunyi rewind wowwwwseh mampu. Hang , mampu ? Cheh. 

. . Andai sang waktu bisa kita hentikan . . 

Once nyanyi lagu atu. Nada masalah , merelate dengan lagu lagu . . Jadi lah manusia yang menghargai karya bagus orang okay. Yang bagus appreciate yang macam taik comment saja free tu tanpa bayaran tetap dan tanpa tax . . Ahhh keciuman akal sial di sana . . Haipppppppp. Maaf maaf. 

Jadi , masa yang tinggal atau yang baru ada keinginan untok menjalani in a new way di hopefully kan di start kan dengan perasaan dan hati yang semangat baru yeayyyyy! Syiqin tengah swimming dan hiking untok be the other Syiqin yang with a new age esehhhhh mampu. Ha haa ada masa untok ketawa sila kan free jua dan yes ong jua atu hah Alif ajar. Kalau lepas ani kan berak ya sila lah . . Yang lain bolih list sendiri lah kan buat apa . . Mahu teros tidoq pun bolih. Siapa tuu ? Wohahaha! Di mana kecalian di mana kecalian . . Takzimusalam. 

Yang di lafaz sungguh langsung nada niat untok di erti kan . . Simpan masa yang ada untok membuat benda yang ada faedah dari ada masa ter luang cuma untok marah . . Amarah kan syaitan paling menyukai , jangan mau di sama kan macam syaitan . . Bunuh dengan Istighfar . . Bunuh dengan senjata kitani iaitu surah surah yang hebat. Sudah sudah kelaut. Sama sama okay . . Berkongsi atu ber kasih sayang. Iakan ? Au. Au eh . . 

Nama Penblog adalah Syiqin. Syiqin Hyte. Syiqin Fnd. Masa akan datang mungkin bisa di taukan as Syiqin Hyza jua . . Not sure. And yes , 19. Yes. Pecaya. Big girl. Big girl. Talk banyak. Heh not good. Sini saja bah. Personally very jua kalau mengenali . . Hmmm. Kalau tersalah or ayat bagus silap silap date ter nampak etc bisa di sapa . . Bisa di senyum dan ada keadaan Syiqin menjadi kan atu bahan kalau mood akal ning nong ning nong haahaa I ll go siapa kan tu lalalalalala tetapi yes yes nada masalah . . 

Till there. Hmmm. Thank you for the music , maksud thank you for lending your time :p Sorry lah kalau nada isi . . Gurauan saja. Esok esok ada bahan bagus okay. Tanpa perjanjian. Haahaa. Kan lame lagi. Sorry but lame lagi. Sedih lah laike this. Okay okay. As Salam. Hmmm. Assalamualaikum . . 

Lovelifelivelove. 

Here here

1994 , Feb 1. Hari seorang bidadari di dunia yang di cakap kan fight untok teros hidop untok mengeluarkan baby nya dan untok bersama daughter yang kedua orang . . Mengeluarkan exactly at 1.02 pm . . Harap harap lah happy semasa atu sebab ani the 4th children yang the Creator hadiah kan.

Hari atu February 1 , 2013 is the 19th year of hidop untok this daughter . . Alhamdulillah . . Big girl. A legal adult. 

That daughter sekarang a grown up one. 19 year old. How time flies. Alhamdulillah . . 

February 1. Happy birthday Syiqin Hyte @ Syiqin Md. Afandi. Happy 19th birthday . . Kejujuran , untok tahun ke 19 masih belom sebenar mengenali diri sendiri . . Yes. But In Shaa Allah , in the future akan lebih rasional di every hal lah Aamiin dan semakin okay untok apa saja yang melintas atau menyingah kah . . In Shaa Allah. Tapi now semakin menyukai responsibility . . Hmmm semakin ready take 1 2 3 untok see life untok explore life without Dora hahaa dan barang kali semakin terasa matang di every segi of how I see life. Inda mono-dimension of thinking kali sudah hahaa semakin 3D.

Semestinya kah untok Happy Birthday to you ada wish list ? Apa lah menanya orang . . Hahaa tapi usul nya for now nada wish list , kalau terjadi nya pun ada barang kali sama dengan orang semua punya hope kali. Untok specific benar benar nada . . Kalau terhappen ada pun probably untok sendiri punya lah kali atu hahaa but untok yang obvious adalah supaya teros ada something new improving in self , in every aspect that M in to yang now dan yang nanti . . May all be well . . Be blessed. In Shaa Allah , Aamiin Aamiin Aamiin. 

Dan untok not to be fickling every time . . Mudahan the heart lebih di strengthen  kan In Shaa Allah. And to see the other part of life jua in another view. Selalu see in colorful ways. Hmm a bright one. And important to appreciate all the people di sekeliling selalu appreciate their existence. Hmmm I want to state everything but some need to be tone down jua kali hahaa . . Dan see banyak carvers di semua orang. Woseeeehbes banyak. And jua haaha to have more more more banyak banyak banyak favourite littles one. Not only the one I have now . . Nanti nanti more jua. Hmmm to see my Sayang grow up jua he ll grow up well tu beside his mama. Hmmmm kalau kan di stress on kan is adalah untok semua yang baik baik In Sha Allah bolih selalu pray to have all the good one saja . . To thinking free lah kalau ada peluang hahaa dan kan Aamiin untok get more closer more more more close dengan the Creator . . Hmmm to have the chance to feel every bit of life. In Shaa Allah. 

Untok ber kesempatan see dan know that all the people I love adalah happy . . Cuma untok tau lah. Hahaa. Dan yes supaya jangan tah free untok marah nada faedah. Serious. I learned from my teens one , full of anger. Full of SWEARING. Full of errors. Ohhhhh . . Waktu waktu pembelajaran yang mematurekan tu. Hmm. Inda menyasal untok di masa atu tapi inda mengharap untok kan repeat. But yes , that ll be my past. Inda ada kiraan sucks kah good kah masih jua past. Yang ternyata nya we can't turn back time kan. Kalau we turn back time , we wouldn't be where we are now today tu. Hmmm. Bittersweet. Dan obvious jua that Syiqin semakin inda waste time macam taik. Selalu aim dan rasa dan hope untok semua benda yang baik untok happen. 

Hari ani sudah 8 hari passed. I feel good to be 19. Setiap age Syiqin , Syiqin rasa baik. Siok di every new number. Hahaa. Alhamdulillah. May Allah bless with all the health , wealth . love , happiness and Iman. Aamiin Aamiin Aamiin. 

Alhamdulillah . . 19 tahun now. I think this paragraph will be the 2nd last for this post . . Au eh hahaa macam teros teros stop kan hahaa. 

Now di verandah . . Menikmati good service dan meliat kehijauan pokok pokok  . . Bushes. And feel panas petang. Wowwwweeee. Panas.

See you when I see you. Be good okay. Be safe . . Allah bless. Allah be with us. Aamiin. Aamiin. Aamiin. Jaga lisan. Assalamualaikum. 

Lots of Love , Syiqin Hyte 19. 

Coming up soon

Testing testing . . Via iP. Test :p